Posted on January 29, 2009 - by Amanda

Arguing With Class

This is a guest post from Complete Woman reader Zainab Alikhan

Arguing With Class

Within our close relationships, we are often faced with challenges that test our patience and communication skills. The measure of a classy, mature woman however, is how she handles those challenges. It’s natural to get frustrated or angry, and most certainly there are times when you must voice your opinion strongly. But while there are many ways to get your point across, there are several things you should definitely not do in a disagreement:

1. Whine. It’s annoying and distracts from your message.

2. Badger. It’s not always fair or realistic to expect resolution immediately. Sometimes you need to make your point and back off. Let it sink in for awhile. Give a person space.

3. Use passive-aggressive tactics. Pretending you’re fine when you’re really not is disrespectful and immature – not to mention highly inefficient. If you’re upset but haven’t quite figured out how to deal with the situation, SAY so: “I’m upset right now but I need to get my thoughts together. Give me some time and then we’ll talk.” This shows the person that you respect them enough to keep them in the loop while still being true to your feelings.

4. Employ the silent treatment. This behavior is unacceptable past the age of 15. See #3 above.

5. Use “never” or “always”. These words escalate the argument unnecessarily and are usually false.

Arguing with class is about treating others with respect. Be honest, be open, and really listen to the other side of the argument. Be aware of yourself and your surroundings, too: modulate your voice, keep your cool, and don’t argue about personal issues in front of others. Don’t ever be too proud to apologize. And finally, try to keep a positive frame of mind. If you approach your disagreements with a conciliatory attitude – with the desire to resolve things fairly and quickly — you will be much more likely to get that outcome.