Posted on February 11, 2009 - by Amanda

St. Valentine is Calling

Unfortunately for the poor, beheaded Saint, Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of greedy, over-inflated expectations. Wives and girlfriends think that their men should know exactly what to do and when. They want chocolate, diamonds, and flowers and romantic and unexpected gestures.

But tell me, is it really fair to expect something unexpected?

Get rid of these unreasonable ideas.

No other person can be expected to know exactly what you want or to want exactly the same things you do. No one can be expected to surprise you in just exactly the way you want to be surprised! So if your man shows up with a bottle of wine and some cheese don’t be disappointed that he is not recreating your first date. If he recreates your first date don’t be upset that he forgot something. If you want to be “surprised” and he brings roses do not be upset that he didn’t remember that lilies are your favorite flower!!!

Men are legitimately annoyed by such behavior.

Make your hopes and dreams CLEAR.

We really recommend not being to picky or wanting much. But if you do really do want something the worst thing you can do is pretend  you don’t and then punish your spouse or boyfriend for not “getting it.” That’s just mean! No one, and especially no man, can read your mind. It just ain’t happening and you should let go of whatever psychological trauma it was that convinced you that that could and/or should happen.

If you do want something specific, just ask. Say: “I would really like to have flowers delivered to me with a nice note”. Or say: “I really, really want to go out to dinner to a nice restaurant”. But don’t ever, ever say “I don’t want anything” when we both know that you do want something.

Do something nice.

Of course the nicest thing to do is be nice to someone else. Plan a relaxed and inexpensive evening in with a nice shoulder-rub for your tired spouse. Plan a cold-weather picnic with hot cider and warm meatball subs. Make something new and fun together like Risotto or sushi or fondue. Buy your sweetheart a copy of your favorite childhood book and read it together and talk about when you were children. Just be as thoughtful as you imagine he shoud be; trying to do something he would really enjoy and not just something you think he OUGHT to enjoy.